Telling Goodbye…

How do you tell good bye to something that has been steadily growing closer and closer to your heart that one day it just seems that you could actually be defined by it.

Yes its time for that last chapter again, the chapter that closes a part of your life so that a new book can start; the chapter to list down all that you ll miss about this book; the chapter which gives you chance to say that last sorry; the chapter which makes you realize how good this book has been.

College life is the one thing everybody can attest to as the best years of their life. It might be because  you get to know who you really are, make friends for life, learn the true meaning and awesome power of jugaad, come to form strong opinions of things around you, alternatively open up to new possibilities. Fours years in NITK has taught me one thing for sure; that I need to redefine the craziness scale to include the new heights that can be reached. That “crazy” does not necessarily mean conked in the head though that forms a rather large part of the definition. It means that mostly people around you are up for anything. It means that there’s always someone to catch you in case you get messed up along the way. It means people will care about you regardless of what you want to be.

If I had to list down all that I might miss about my life in college, the list would probably go on and on and on and on. and that list would probably contain even the sometimes inedible mess food, hey it made us appreciate good food., the long power-cuts, it taught us that electricity is precious, the never relenting sunshine, it gave us a hide to weather even the worst climatic conditions, the jostling bus rides, our very own roller-coaster to order for just a few bucks., the queues at the bathrooms, taught us patience., yes these will definitely be missed and I haven’t even started on the good stuff yet. the feeling of belongingness that you get., the teachers who actually teach maybe not the subjects but far more important life lessons., the people who provided comic relief when you most needed it., the endless parties everyday be it the crazy dancing around or the quite musical marathons., the huge budget techno-social symposiums which taught you responsibility., the seniors who were more like friends than mentors., the juniors who were more like friends than chelas., the hundreds of people who have a smile for you regardless of the fact that you don’t know them well., running like crazy so that you don’t get kicked out of this safe gilded cage., the myriads of colors in the sky that convince you that there IS really something called heaven right here within your grasp.

They say that language is a pretty powerful tool. But even words fail to convey what each one of us is going through when we have to at last sit down and write that last chapter.

“… as she packed her bags for the very last time. They were waiting for her outside but she couldn’t move from the spot. The very spot where she had made her home for so many years now. The very spot that had provided her solace when she direly needed it. The very spot where she learned new games, argued her way through baseless discussions, learnt and reaffirmed her views. She took one last look at those walls with their cobwebs as if they were already absorbing her memories and making them their own merging them with memories of those who had written on them before her. They called to her again and this time she turned away, away from her yester-life. As the door closed, she took one last deep breath and finally accepted that it would be hard to forget. She picked up her bags and took the same path she had for the very last time. Her mind focused for the very first time in a long time as she tried to absorb all that was dear to her. She looked at each and everything for once glad that her eidetic memory would never let her forget. She felt lost, as lost as when she had first stepped into that new world four years ago. She felt apprehensive leaving her safe haven. She started remembering all of those who had made impressions that would forever influence her. She remembered those places which had calmed her more number of times than she could count. She remembered those incidents that would forever leave her with a happy feeling. Her mind replayed her college life like a fast paced movie, she relived 4 years in a matter of minutes. As her car sped away, she finally smiled.”

Royal MECHIE NITKian

living a lie

Link to Rascal Flatts’ “I’m moving on.” Heard it for the first time on 1st of March 2011 and somehow it has me contemplating about life and how most of us live a life of pretense.

A dear friend penned down thoughts about how inconsequential a person’s existence becomes a couple of years from when you cease to exist. It got me thinking on how even in that small pocket of time that we occupy, so many of us live out a lie, lying about who we really are, what we really think about happenings around ourselves, how we try to convince ourselves of what we don’t believe in.

What is the reason for this jinx that seems to affect us? Do we really not know what makes us “happy”? And what exactly is “happy” anyways? Because what we see of happiness is fleeting and far in between long bouts of depression. Or is it that we want that feeling so badly that we can pretend to accept all  that’s happening around us without question. But really, I am questioning it right now, ain’t I? A lot of  the people I’ve spoken to about this say that we look for the answer to the question of what makes us happy all through out of our life never finding an answer to it and that there are only a precious few who actually live a full life with no regrets whatsoever about how they led it.

How do they do it? What is it that about them that is different from us? Will we ever really find out? Should we even try? The logical answer would be yes, we should since we are questioning about how we are not enjoying our lives. But what if we end up spending all of our existence trying to search for something that we may not understand or may not really want to know. What if there is really no answer to it? And what if in trying to find the answer we forget so many aspects about ourselves that we end living out a pretense again? Then again, What if we really don’t want to know the answer because we might not be able to handle it?

Going back to the original intent of this post, “I’m moving on” speaks about how you finally come to peace with what you are. It speaks about how your past can be and most probably will be forgiven. It gives me a tiny bit of hope that sometime in the near(/distant) future, I will finally find the answer.

Are we really as modern in thoughts as we think?

In this new age where modern beliefs like emancipation of women have been dished out in any agenda, be it political or social, has it really affected the way people feel about women in responsible positions?

Equality of sexes seems to be a illusion that has been created to placate people like me and does not seem to have any basis in real life. Are we really judged on merit alone? Is it not that even when we have proved our worth again and again, we still have to justify to chauvinists that we deserve it. Is it required of us to keep on forever defending our laurels just because we do not have a Y chromosome. I think we should not have to.
Till today I have been accused of living in a dream world because of my ideologies. That I actually believed because we are in the 21st century that people have evolved from their caveman instincts of “Me Man You Woman”. Now I realize I should probably not expect it so early. After all evolution of humans started way later than other mammals and I think the species still has to evolve more for such kind of ideas to be commonplace.

I have decided to change for good. Out will go my naivety and in with the new belief that everybody is gonna disappoint me from now. That way I’ll most probably get what I expected. None of these so called Modern Men can embrace change. I believed till today that they make an effort but now I know for sure that they simply cant seem to actually believe these modern ideas.

Mumbai!!!

So, my wish came true and i did travel last weekend not to venice (:() but to mumbai.. This being the first time i visited mumbai I had high expectations of the city which is considered the most happening hub in our country. I must say I wasnt disappointed. The 1 and half days and 2 nights i stayed in mumbai have been the most hectic days i ‘ve had in a long time but u wont hear me complain(at all). Many of my friends who are hard core mumbaikars did warn me abt the fast paced and very crowded life of mumbai but since i am the eternal optimistic bangy(bangalore gal through n through) i thought i could handle the crowd. But the crowded rail ki gaddis which happens to be the most common form of transport to a lot of mumbaikars have humbled me and i’m still nursing my bruised ego. The trains in mumbai are a mini india in their own respect. The 20- 30 minutes i spent travelling by it made me realise that secularism is still active in india and normal folks like us make the fights between the political parties(based on religions) seem unnecessary and quite childish. In such a short span of time u get to see life going on harmoniously without cultures’ divide causing conflict. The most memorable aspect of the train ride was when a hatta khatta sardarji started laughing quite loudly over something a suited(he was wearing a tie n pretty formal clothes) and booted mumbaikar said and everybody joined in. I have travelled in buses in bangalore for quite some time now and i can honestly say that nothing of that sort happens in bangalore (:()unless of course u r with friends and are trying ur hardest to bring the roof down(metaphorically:)). Unfortunately the getting on and getting off the train freaked my mom out so much that we travelled in cabs for the rest of the journey..

Mumbai i noticed seems to have contrasting roads(lives) connected by a bend in the road. Wat i mean is while travelling in the cab i saw a road containing houses of families who looked quite down their luck and next bend brought me to this place with lots of  establishments with posh looking apartments etc.. quite a difference….

Of course I saw all the usual haunts like Gateway of India, Elephanta caves, Marina drive, the beaches and I must say the new bridge connecting bhandra and worli allows for a heavenly ride.

In all, the trip to mumbai was an experience that i would love to repeat but only when i need a pick me up and i’m bored of my comfortable and moderately paced life in good old bangalore..(i still maintain that nothing can compare to bangalore)..

until the next time

regards

joila..

travel bug has hit me again

So after a long time i’m finally writing again..

This time, because i’m so ready to get out of this funk i’m in right now.Some ppl who know me will probably exclaim right now saying atasi is using words like funk! (yes yes to these ppl i’m actually gonna try n use some cliched rap words if i can:P).

Anybody who knows me even a little bit will know that i love travelling and i complain when i have to stay in one place for too long. I guess two yrs of NITK suratkal Girls hostel III block is getting to me. And the fact that i’m hearing about how other ppl spent their holidays visiting new places while i worked on a project in same old bangalore doesnt help at all…. So i’ve decided to make a list of all the places that i want to visit atleast once in my lifetime. This way when i make plans to visit these said places I can travel in a virtual manner( internet,love it).

The first place on this list is Venice.

I dont know why but ever since I heard about a city built on a network of bridges and canals with small islands in between and where boats (gondolas) are the basic transportation means I’ve been wanting to go to this place. Venice is often romanticised and some ppl feel that it is highly overrated and to those ppl I say look, Venic is one place that Man can say he has built and can claim that it is as beautiful as nature itself.(donot misunderstand me, nobody can compete with nature but  we can surely agree on the fact that Venice has brought together technology and nature in the most beautiful manner possible.) Its stone canals show us a beauty which is by no means delicate but is as compelling nevertheless. The Venetian buildings are a work of art and have stood steady in these times when minimalistic architecture is the norm.At the same time Venice is in no way backward when it comes to technology and science.

The architecture, the people and the general atmosphere of the place gives you an old world feeling and you feel like you are in the 1800′s again, a time when ppl were just learning about technology and hadn’t yet been completely consumed by it and hence had a much better understanding of nature and hence were at peace with nature, a time when life moved at a slower pace and nobody was in a hurry. (Some might say that life’s been made a lot more easier with technology and hence has to be appreciated but sometimes i feel that technology has made us unappreciative of simple things in life).

So…., going back Venice is called the CITY OF LIGHTS. I saw a pic and i must say the name is justified. I hope i get to see it in its full glory sometime. So tonight when i go to sleep i hope i dream about riding(driving??,boating??) on a gondola traipsing thru the bridges and canals of Venice and slow down a bit and take a breakk from this life which has become too cluttered for my taste. Hopefully by tomorrow morning i’ll have satisfied this itch i’ve got for travelling.

Hoping to become sane…                                                                                                                                                                                                       till i write again……

regards

Joila..

wolves.

This dark night the 15th of may 2009, I heard a sound that unlike anything else has compelled me to write about it in a very long time.(write about anything actually)
It sounded so much like a wolf calling out to its fellow maates that i am almost convinced that there is a wolf lurking  around here in the concrete jungle called bangalore,atleast in spirit because i refuse to believe that keening soulful and melancholy sound could have come from any city dog..
This takes me back to those times when the world was filled with tree filled jungles and the animals like the great wolf ruled the forests through their fearless manner and a cunning sense of survival that according to me is not even possessed by the supposed king of the jungle, the lion
In those times just as now in few of the remaining forests of the world,the wolves moved in packs consisting of an alpha male and two or at the maximum three females and roamed the wild to their heart’s content and keeping off the territory of other packs.
I have always had a fascination for wolves, them being my favourite animals of the dog species’,(the panther being my favourite in the cat species’) ever since I found out that the dogs i love so much come from such a rich and noble pedigree that has inspired so many legends.And I’ve grown older, my fascination with wolves hasn’t diminished at all.. may be because of those myths fuelled only by the many adaptations of legends on the television, my constant companion through all these years.
Some of these adaptations appealed to me since they dealt with the evolution of human from wolves or transformation of a human being into a wolf (Manga lovers: read former reference to wolf’s rain). All of this obsession wasnt in any way helped by the overlapping over the legends of werewolves and vampires, my other fascination.
Sometimes I’ve wondered whether these legends have some truth in them.. Anyways coming back to the real world, wolves have shown a remarkble adaptability to living with humans be it as hunting companions, as a mode of transport, or plainly as the best friend of humans; please understand that I consider trained dogs as belonging to wolf family even if they have somehow tamed their wild natures for us, because in no way have they lost their fierceness and if not for their loyal natures could be just like their ancestors.
(But some people have for no other reason i can understand other than sheer stupidity tried to change these wonderful creatures into some kind of weird showpieces so that they look like a sideshow at a circus.)
If given a chance and if there are such people as animorphs I would like to borrow their power and turn myself into a wolf and see the world through his/her eyes and it will be an experience that I will always cherish and be grateful for as being a wolf might finally let me understand these mysterious creatures.(so any animorphs out there please contact me..)
Wolves are very free creatures, what I mean is they have freedom to roam around and the fierceness to actually survive in the wild. And I often wonder if my fascination for them has to do with these very qualities. Maybe they closely resemble that part of me which longs to be free of the constraints of a human life and wants to test if I could ever be truly selfsufficient and if I could ever be as fierce.

PS: It would be stupid of me not to mention the growing crisis that number of wolves or for that matter many of the wild animals in the world are steadily growing smaller and smaller. This is happening because of the thoughtlessness of man and the total disregard many of the human race have for fellow creatures. Therefore I send out an honest appeal to everyone to try to bring back a balance to the world’s ecosystem.

Mr.Darcy..

Mr Darcy, the most contradicting character i’ve read about in a book.

Isn’t he the most arrogant man i’ve come across in the fictious world?? And isn’t arrogance a quality I totally abhor in a person.. Yet somehow Mr.Darcy has to date been the most interesting person i’ve read about. It might be because i read Pride and Prejudice when I was a kid (read 6th std) that i still have conflicting opinions of him. Meaning that I had already formed an opinion that he might a introverted ,not a people’s person but a good man nevertheless, before i realised that i did not like certain character flaws in people..

Still the fact remains that Mr.Darcy is one of the most memorable characters that Jane Austen ever created(most of my friends would attest to this fact ).

PS: rooma not included in above list.

Jane Austen

A wonderful writer, brings together realism, irony and class in a very simplistic manner.

Prideand Prejudice, Mansfield Park, Sense and Sensibility, Emma: her famous novels

In all the above mentioned books there is a fairy tale like atmosphere with the only exception that the female protagonist is not a simpering idiot but with a mind of her own, has strong opinions and is not afraid to let anyone know them.

Having said that i would like to add that sadly all of her stories tend to be very similar and make the reader feel that if you have read one , you have read them all.

No discussion about Pride and Prejudice is ever complete without mentioning the female lead.

Elizabeth Bennet  (my hero) : the best Jane Austen character according to me though Fanny Price comes a close second    ( hero of Mansfield Park). Her potrayal is the best writing of Jane Austen. The courage, strength, self respect, confidence, belief in oneself, the sense to realise one’s mistakes and the ability to recognise one’s feelings without any doubt or regret  are few of the many qualities i’ve never actually come across in any other character; Elizabeth would never bend to anybody’s wills unless she herself wished to. Even though i’ve turned into a slightly cynical creature, Elizabeth still remains as my hero.

Fanny Price: another character that made an impact on me. She had an insight to the character(as in verb) of all the other characters(as in noun)which impressed me very much.

It has been a pleasure to finally write about one of my favourite books. I hope to be more consistent in my writing.

Until later,

Johila (joi-la).